Guilty

I just realized that other bloggers, who have far larger readerships, link to me and felt horribly guilty. So today I will write a substantive post rather than the whiney-ass one I had planned.

So I'm in crisis mode. It's a burn-out crisis. Basically I've stopped being the well organized and responsible person I'm used to being and have become a lazy procrastinator. And I do mean lazy. I have to grade a bazillion papers this week (okay, 50). And I do mean have to. I have had the papers for 2 weeks and have graded 3. I was supposed to grade over Spring Break (last week), but instead I read 6 books, went to on a few outings (pictures will be posted later), played two video games, and watched the torrential rain.



Friday afternoon, the area around our apartment was totally flooded. For a while, we had our own moat. It is the closest I will ever come to living in a castle.

But anyway, I neglected to even think about work. I needed the break, but now I am super busy. Why do I do this? I think that teaching 5 classes and taking one last semester and teaching 5 this semester has finally caught up with me. I don't really care enough to bust my butt into working. Burn. Out.

Next semester, I will be taking 2 classes and teaching 4 (but only one prep). This summer, I am not working, but instead will plan as much as I can for my classes and spend "me" time. But until that happens, I just don't know.

I made out a schedule for the rest of my week - just to get me through. I am, at this moment, 2 minutes off because I decided to write something meaningful. I don't think I've done that, but I least I have owned up to my irresponsibility and laziness. I have put myself in this position. But I really don't feel guilty. I feel apathy - oh, well. And that's what bothers me. Is that good or bad?

I know that I will get everything done (because I always do) and if I don't (because there's a first time for everything), only my pride will be hurt (and maybe my student evaluations, which mean very little). Does the lack of guilt mean I have perspective and am getting over the guilt-ridden aspect of my personality (inherited)? Or does it mean I have issues? I think I have issues anyway, but...

For now, I have a schedule to keep - laundry and grading are my tasks for the next hour and a half.

(I do however feel guilty about neglecting my blog and not posting the birthday and migraine posts I promised.)