Indecision & PMS

I have trouble making small decisions (where to eat, which color of shirt, etc.). I just waver too long, or I really have no preference (I like Mexican food and Italian food, both the green and the blue look good). So I am indecisive about little things. I think that I put too much weight on the decision - treat it like it has some real significance, when it's just dinner and just a shirt.

Big decisions I can make. No problem deciding to get married or to move to Island State or any of that stuff. I weighed all of the pros and cons, looked that the decisions rationally, examined every possible outcome logically, and did what I wanted to do, confidently without regret or wondering if I made the right decision. Don't know why I can do that without stress but spend hours trying to decide which shirt to buy and if the green one would have looked better.

Most of the time this indecision is not a big problem, just a minor annoyance.

But when I am PMSing, I can't make any decisions and will cry over my inability to decide. I get angry at other people for not giving me advice. I get angry at myself for not being able to make a decision and for needing help. And so I cry, because that is not a decision, but is instead a reaction. I'm very good at reacting when I'm PMSing.

I write this because I am pissed and forlorn. I just spent at least an hour trying to buy two gifts online. I knew exactly what I wanted, it was just a matter of which version for person A and which version for person B (can't be more specific since they both know about the blog). In that time, I clenched my jaw, snapped at Husband for being tired and not giving me any useful opinions, and got all watery eyed. I finally made the purchase and immediately regretted it. Not because I thought of a better idea, but because I'm still not sure. And here's the kicker, the recipients would love ANY of the versions. I can't actually make a wrong decision here. They might like one version better, but all would meet with their approval. So why am I going insane?

Other signs of PMS: I ate a bag of barbecue potato chips and a bowl of ice cream for dinner. I read 4 books this weekend (I read The Red Tent today - it's good; I recommend it). I always consume books, but PMS usually means a much larger appetite for fiction (sometimes I watch movies, but not this time. It's important the movies be old though, or at least based on old books). I was also craving love stories, usually not my first pick. I would add not grading, but that is normal.

I like being a woman, I really do. And I don't even mind having my period. The pill has made it a fairly stable experience (oh God, PMS without the pill was horrible - just massive amounts of crying and yelling and pain). But even with the pill, I become a different person - subtly different, but still different - for 3-4 days. I become very reactive and express my emotions more. It's like the hormonal change (and there is one because the drop is severe enough to usually trigger a migraine) temporarily renders my reasoning abilities defunct. They're there; they just don't work properly. And so, I react.

Now, here's the question: Am I more "me" when I'm reactive or more "me" when I'm more logical?