Dear Dopes . . .

Dear Department Overlords, People, Etc.,

I hate you. You cannot spring two new projects on faculty in the last month of class. You just can't. Two weeks is just not enough notice. I know that the projects seem easy and doable, and maybe they would be if I had time to do them. But I don't, so instead of doing a good job on said projects, I will have to do what I can, and you will have to deal with it.

I know that the newest addition to the project list requires very little from me IF my students do what I ask them to, but have you ever asked a student to do something? Some of my students don't put their names on their papers. Go ahead, re-read that. No names! This is the level of awareness that I'm dealing with, which means that I will be doing what you ask, not them.

I understand the need for these projects and I support the projects in theory, but in theory we should have known about them before midterm, you know, when you found out about them. Yes, I know how long you've known about this. I have spies everywhere. You put this off until now. You could have told us earlier so that those of us who plan the last few weeks of class in advance would know about it. I needed to know those details. Now, I have to redo assignment instructions that my students already have.

And when someone had the intelligence to suggest a more efficient way of handling the project, making less work for us, you should not have passed the blame on to higher-ups. The higher-ups may be to blame, but this is YOUR responsibility and you are the one who put it off. I don't let students get away that crap. I am not at all impressed that you're playing the blame game.

And as for the first project, the one that I can only do by depriving myself of sleep. I appreciate the apology for lateness and acceptance of responsibility for said lateness. That will not, however, suddenly grant me the ability to alter time; therefore, you'll be getting that at the last possible moment.

Yours in carefully concealed fury,
Tree of Knowledge