How Toxic are You?

I was attacked by Scientologists today. Okay, maybe attacked is too strong a word—accosted? A young Scientologist thrust a bag of stuff into my hands. I stopped, looked at him and said, “What?” “It’s free information,” he replied. I shrugged my shoulders, “okay,” and walked on.

When I told this to Husband, his response was, “I can’t believe you took the stuff.” He has a point. If I wasn’t in a hurry and on my way to class, I might have told the young Scientologist to kiss my ass or maybe just a polite “no, thank you.” But instead, my brain (which has a mind of it’s own) said “blog post.” I rationalized this by believing that it is better that I, a discerning adult who will laugh at the silly Scientology brainwashing propaganda, receive the bag of “free information” (‘cause you know everyone else makes us pay for info) rather than some poor 18-year-old brand new college freshman who is overwhelmed, tired, and depressed who might, in her distressed mind, believe that body thetans might be the cause of why she is tired instead of realizing that the responsibility of making decisions completely on your own is a stressful and jarring experience, especially to someone far away from home, in this weird it’s-like-a-whole-nother-country state, who hasn’t been here long enough to develop close friends and build a support structure or even learned to trust her own judgments yet.

Isn’t that one hell of a rationalization? What I do for my students.

So here is a breakdown of the free info:

2 tickets to a free screening of Dianetics: the Story of Book One—the film (no time listed; they just cue it up when you walk in).

2 tickets to a free screening of a Scientology orientation film (“Welcome to the new world”).

1 ticket/notice for a free lecture entitled “The greatest adventure in life is the exploration of your own mind,” which promises to reveal such riveting information as “how to have lasting, happy relationships,” understanding your feelings,” what causes aches and pains,” learn why you react the way you do,” where unwanted emotions come from—anger, jealously, guilt, fear,” and “the 3 kinds of love and how to recognize them” (Their italics, not mine. Did you notice that it is free?)

A brochure and order form for Dianetics: The Evolution of a Science by L. Rom Hubbard ($25). “Read it and learn how the reactive mind cause stress and depression, and blocks your intelligence and confidence.” (Personally, I think Hubbard has been reading Freud, and went a little bonkers, and added aliens).

A brochure and order form for Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health by L. Ron Hubbard ($6.99). Dianetics is apparently about the “reactive mind,” which is “the hidden enemy that works against and enslaves you.”

A brochure and order form for Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, 50th anniversary edition by L. Ron Hubbard ($7.99). (I’m noticing a theme here).

An invitation to “Scientology Sunday Service” to which I am “cordially invited” so that I can “repair the ravages of the week.” The book with all of the answers will be for sale for $22.95 (softback) and $112.50 (hardback). (I wonder why the price jumps so much?)

A flyer to about how to “Help children” and become part of the “Scientology Volunteer Ministries.” Helping begins by buying The Scientology Handbook ($100) and enrolling in “The Scientology Volunteer Minister Courses” ($265), which can be broken into smaller courses (19 at $25 each).

A copy of Clear Body Clear Mind, “a special publication on the world’s most effective Purification Program.” “Discover the solution” in the books Clear Body Clear Mind: The Effective Purification Program ($14.95), Purification: An Illustrated Answer To Drugs ($17.50), and Clear Body, Clear Mind Home Study Course Pack ($15). The “special publication” includes a “How Toxic Are You?" quiz?” Decide “yes” or “no” (the quiz is quoted directly from the paper):

1. Have you felt fatigued now and then for no apparent reason?
2. Do you ever feel “wooden” or lifeless?
3. Have you ever experienced drug “flashbacks”?
4. Do you feel less alert than you used to?
5. Do you sometimes get a feeling of lightheadedness or a feeling of being “spaced out”?
6. Do you feel irritable without reason or cause?
7. Do you have unexplained aches and pains?
8. Do you find it difficult to get excited about people or things?
9. Do you find you feel anxious but don’t know why?
10. Do you have trouble learning new things even when you are interested in them?

1 to 3 “yes” answers mean that “you could have a level of accumulated toxins affecting your capacity to think clearly.” 4-7 “yes” answers means that “you could have a detrimental level of accumulated toxins, making you dull, lifeless or ‘wooden’ with lessoned ability.” 8-10 “yes” answers means that “you could be experiencing a case of severe body pollution.” Or you could be pregnant, you never can tell.

I think that information must be free because they’ll suck you dry once they get you in the “church.” This only gives prices for what is mentioned in the free information. There are things-for-sale galore on the website.

If you are a Scientologist, please don’t comment telling me that I’m being closed-minded and must have elevated body thetan levels. I’m only quoting your doctrine. No one cares, and I will laugh at you.

And if you want to argue that Scientology, like all religions (and cults), simply asks believers to have faith in a greater spirit (faith, after all, means belief without proof), allow me to give a shout-out to the alien overlord Xenu.

I have serious issues with this group, particularly the “church” near my campus, which preys on young college students who are just now trying to figure things out on their own, gives them potentially damaging false information about mental illness as well as simple matters like how the body and brain function, and then asks them for lots and lots of money (hey, use that school loan to blast out some body thetans!).