Summer Goals

This post started off as a comment on one of Russian Violet's posts.

This summer I decided to make a conscious effort to try to get out of the habit of always working toward a deadline. I think, when I make this next milestone, things will be easier and more enjoyable, but there's always another freakin' milestone. When I finish my exams, I'll make time to exercise--that kind of thing. So this summer, I'm trying to break that habit and start living the life I see as the end goal.

One of the things I want to start doing is not working on the weekend and spending that time with my husband. That is hard to do in academia because everyone else is working all the time--or at least they claim to be working all of the time. Either way, I feel guilty spending time doing fun relaxing stuff. Which is insane! Especially considering that I am super productive. I know there will be days when I have to be grading at 11pm, but I'm going to try really, really hard not to let that happen. I know there will be weekends when I have to dissertate, but I'm going to try to put in enough work during the week that writing on the weekend will be a choice, not a necessity. So I have to work smarter during the week. And, I have to re-prioritize.

• My health comes first--that means sleep, fresh veggies and home-cooked meals, exercise, and relaxation. And doing fun stuff.
  
• Second is Husband and our relationship.
• Third is maintaining friendships.
• Fourth is my dissertation.
• Fifth is my teaching.
• Sixth is my creative writing.
  
• Seventh is the rest of my job. Committees and crap.

Usually, I'm the last thing and my writing is the abandoned pile of paper I'm sitting on. I think my writing should be higher than 6, but committing to that is scary. It can't come before the diss, as I mean to finish that in a reasonable time frame and so have to make it a big deal. I could easily take years to write it without external deadlines, so I'm trying to be proactive and not let that happen. We'll see.

And I'm back to a 4-comp-classes-per-semester schedule, so that's gonna suck up some time. Classes expand to fill whatever time you have, so I have to try to keep that under control.

After my dad died,* it was very nice to have the giant distraction of grad school and teaching. It was useful to not have anytime for myself, but that is not a sustainable lifestyle (look, buzzword!) and it's served its purpose. I am an adult now and I can't keep working toward some better life. This is it. And I like it, so it's time to start doing the things I've been waiting to start.

So this summer, I'm working on starting good habits for me--taking walks, eating fresh veggies and fruit, relaxing. I'm also working on a set of short stories. Since I taught summer classes, my summer actually started on July 1, and then I was out of commission for a week because I was sick. But part of less stress means not freaking out that my plan is unfurling. So no worries.


*One of the things I've been afraid of is forgetting him--losing memories, forgetting his laugh, his smell, that kind of thing. Last night Husband and I were watching old clips of Sesame Street on YouTube and I suddenly remembered that Daddy had a brief Ernie impersonation. It was just the line Ernie says about his "ole buddy Bert," but it made me smile. I am so glad that the memory came back with such force too.