Super Grader did not save Paradise City from the evils of poor argumentation. She just ran out of time. She didn't take care of her own problems either - not enough time. She really doesn't want to know the grade from her presentation, cause it can't be an A.
This is a depressing post, so be warned.
I feel like I don't know how to teach anymore. Aren't I too young to burn out? I have all of these great ideas and methods, but no time to utilize them since the syllabus is so packed. Maybe next semester I can redesign a bit - fewer papers for the developmental class, but more time on the papers taught, short assignments that can be built into the papers - but will they let me do that? As for the regular class, I don't know. I feel like I'm doing my students a disservice. That I'm being too nice and too helpful, not demanding enough. I don't have time to argue with them, so I give in, so I can go grade and conference. I feel like I'm policing them, treating them like kids. Am I a good teacher? I thought I was, but I'm stretched so thin.
I'm being evaluated next week. So this, along with conferences, grading, and my own life, is perhaps why I'm questioning my ability to do my job. It's a routine evaluation, but I'm nervous. She's coming to my dud class. The class where I exploded, where I had a student say "shhhhh" today because the talking student wouldn't shut up. I think he needs ADD meds, seriously. Ignoring the students who misbehave isn't working, neither is telling them to stop. College students shouldn't misbehave. I think I need to treat them like my 4 year olds. I did that today. Turned the light off and said, "it's getting too loud in here." They were doing group work, and some groups have a hard time moving from group work to self work without my intervention, despite it being clearly written in the instructions. Maybe they don't get why they have to do it? The ones that do write and work when I ask are doing great in the class. One of the questions on the evaluation is "Does this feel like a college classroom?" No, it doesn't. The students aren't prepared, they don't do their work, and I can't handle that anymore.
The first class of each class next week will be a mental health day, a "what do you want to get out of this class and what do you need to do to make that happen" day. A "if you're not prepared anymore, that's too bad because I don't have time to hold your hand" day. I hate to do that when I'm being evaluated, but oh well. Maybe she'll come the other day.
I feel so unprepared. I have no prep time. I haven't been able to prepare anything to supplement the book because I spend all of my time grading. Maybe it's just conference week.
I think I need cheese bread, and pizza, and Coke. I think I need a hug.
1 comment:
I am sending you hugs from down here in the ye ole south. You are an excellent teacher, please know that. I know that, and most of the ye ole department from ye ole institution knows that to be true.
You know what has happened? You are teaching a double load, going to school, trying to apply to school, and adjust to a new environment. You do good to not hide under your covers all day- that's where I'd be.
Here is my advice to you: I had a similar situation w/ an eval in a not-so-good class. I told them up front someone was coming and why. I explained what we'd do on that day and gave them a graded assignment and mini group game to keep them busy (and talking-but in a good way). They stayed focus for the most part and the 50 min. was over before I knew it. You will survive.
As far as not having time, focus on surviving this semester, its been rough, in your teaching journal keep notes to yourself of things you want to change for later and realize you might not get to it until the summer when you have more time. I don't know what your teaching schedule will look like for the Spring, but realize this is the FIRST time you've taught here and you've got to learn the system as well. 'Member how many questions I asked you the first time I started teaching at ye ole institituion? B/Cs I didn't know what to expect.
Also, take an evening, get some ice-cold Coke, cheese bread, pizza, and some doritos and chocolate and enjoy yourself. Before you do that, make a list of all the things you know you need to accomplish, and then just let it go.
You will be fine, and here is another (hug)
love,
ilnizzzah
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