Why I always have my period the first week of teaching is a mystery to me. The effect of this horrible, horrible coincidence is that I begin every semester in tears.
Today has been particularly bad ride on the emotional roller coaster.
I'm taking a feminist theory course and so am reminded constantly, through the issues raised in the readings and discussion, how oppression is normalized. Already the course is getting me to think about things differently than I have before (yay),but with any learning comes discomfort and with any progress or growth in understanding comes pain. Becoming a better person hurts.
This year is a big election year, and politics always reminds me of just how different I am from my family and how isolated I am by those differences. I am the liberal black sheep. My dad is the only member of my family who even came close to my values, beliefs, and politics, and he's not around any more to mediate, to explain why people that I love support issues and causes that I see as incredibly destructive. I try to avoid politics completely because I always regret broaching the subject. Today I didn't, but I should have. I don't get into big arguments with my family or anything; they're very nice to me about it, but really we are so different. Husband and I think about moving back to Home State, but it's hard to imagine living someplace that conservative again.
So that's two atypical triggers for my crying today. Typical are the feeling of being behind before the first class even begins, having to clean up a mess caused by other people that affects my students and my classes (meaning I get to look unprepared on day one), student drama (again before the first class meets), feeling completely overwhelmed in terms of juggling my workload (also new this semester--area exams prep! I have an exam committee as of today), and of course fluctuating hormones.
I think I'll do a political post soon. I do feel very strongly about this election. I feel strongly about all elections. I mean, I'm completely pessimistic about voting in a republic that depends on a two-party system that effectively prevents any sort of substantial progress from being made and profits small groups of people and corporations by dividing the citizenry into polarized forces and convinces them that the "other" side is the problem not the system and the corporations funding that system, but hey, that can't change if I don't try to change it.
I think I'm going to go watch an episode of Kate & Allie on Netflix now and then go to bed. Maybe drink some hot tea.
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